I Was Impotent for Three Years...............
I once asked one of my mentors why he does not like to tell his personal stories for people to learn from and he responded by telling me that those who are interested would ask him. I later realized that the fear of many people whose hands are currently able to reach their mouths in spite of their poor backgrounds is that oftentimes their stories were misinterpreted or misunderstood. I had a similar experience some years back when I was asked to speak to a group of about 50 young people.
After telling my personal story and offer them what I felt was a workable plan to get their lives on track based on my personal experience, someone rose up during question and answer time to mess the whole session up by beginning with a Yoruba proverb that "Eni ti Cocoa e ye, lo moo lo" meaning "Someone whose Cocoa plantation flourishes becomes arrogantly boastful", he set the tone for further whitewashing of what started like a promising empowerment gathering by others like him who believed that successful people were either lucky, opportunistic or criminal. They believed that successful people have no working formula that could be taught to poor people. They believed that poverty was their destiny. It however gladdened my heart to recently meet two young guys that are doing well in separate businesses who were among the audience. I felt honored when they confessed to me that my talk was what changed their mindsets and attitudes that eventually led to their current well-being. I felt vindicated.
The topic for this story "I Was Impotent for Three Years" is very true. It is a personal life story. It happened between when I finished my IJMB A'Level at the Kwara State Polytechnic and my early years in the University. I was living in a neighborhood where I was not only liked by the elders but adored and respected by the young ones both male and female. I think I earned my reputation by being friendly with everyone. People had free access to me and I offered help to as many as I can within my capabilities. During this period, different girls come to my humble abode for different reasons like coming to watch TV, ironing of clothes or just to relax. I only noticed that some of them were fond of either sleeping or sitting carelessly but I read no reason to their attitudes until one day when an elder called me aside to ask if it was true that I was an "Esin Inu'we" meaning "A horse on paper". In Yoruba land, a "horse on paper" means an impotent man. Just like a mere drawing of a horse cannot kick, An "Esin Inu'we" is a man who only look at women and cannot do anything to them. I realized that news had gone round that all the girls that came to my room confirmed that I cannot kick even when they made advances. The elder advised that i should prove them wrong but even if I had wanted to prove them wrong I doubted if I had what it would have taken me because I was fighting a personal battle, one of the battles that defined my life!
What the people that certified me an impotent man did not know was that behind the jokes, the smile and my readiness to help was a young man who was fighting psychological battles. As a matter of fact, my worst nightmare is to be assessed by my current status. The cars, houses, chieftaincy titles, academic and non-academic achievements etc do not define who I am. I am a man who went through the crucibles of life and who refreshes the memories every second of my life so as to guide my conscience on my decisions.
In their eyes, they saw a fine young man who should be doing what his contemporaries were doing but within me I was just a village boy who was determined against all odds (the odds were so many) to write a better story for himself, re-write the story of his family and become the pride of his people. I realized early enough in my life that it would not be easy to rise above the crowd and chart a completely different path from what my predecessors chose. I knew that my roads would be thorny and even suffocating but I knew that if God was pleased to grant me victory it would not only be to my pleasures but would have paved the ways for others who would come after me.
The state of impotence that I found myself in those three years were not by choice, the cumulative pressures of the effects of poverty, disappointments and academic failures began to deactivate my sense organs one after the other. I first realized that I was finding it difficult to understand or comprehend my lectures, then I realized that my brain was gradually shutting itself down perhaps because the cells were lacking the requisite nutrients to function. I began to hallucinate and when my A 'Level results came out and I scored C in Biology, E in Physics and E in Chemistry I knew that my dream of ever becoming a medical doctor in life was becoming to be deem. In our own days, every brilliant student would be an automatic Science student, and among the science students the best will go for Medicine, those who were not the very best but were good in Mathematics would go for Engineering courses. Our perception was so narrow about future prospects of different courses. There was no even guidance and counseling in my secondary school. There were no uncles, brothers or aunts who had ever been a University graduate to advise. As a matter of matter I was the first in my community to graduate from a University. I did many things like a blindfolded boxer who was thrown into the ring and the lights were switched off against an opponent whose vision was sharper in darkness!
Having realized that my A Level results were not good enough to study medicine at the University of Ilorin, I sat for JAMB and scored 241 which again was not enough to be admitted on merit to study medicine. Another attempt failed. I resigned to fate and was thinking of other ways to face the future. I was in the village when Iya Oniru (Locust bean seller) said she had a letter for me and that she couldn't find it. She promised to look for it and she found it on the fifth day when she was preparing for another market. It turned to be my provisional admission letter to study physics at the University of Ilorin. In those days, candidates who scored high enough marks but who couldn't gain admissions to study the courses of their choice were usually assigned other courses with not enough candidates to populate the slots. I became a victim of such consideration, a whole me that I was already fantasizing a glorious future of a medical doctor!!!
After wasting several weeks at home, I bowed down to pressures of brothers, uncles and friends to accept the offer. I accepted reluctantly and proceeded to the University of Ilorin. My first two years in the University were frustrating, tough and uninspiring. My mind was really not in the classes and I became depressed. My A level contemporaries like Dr. Emmanuel Anigilaje, Dr. Tajudeen Monmonu (Sampe Father) were already on their way to the clinical aspects of their studies. I felt that my life was not worth it. At the beginning of my third year at the University of Ilorin, I received the worst letter from the Senate of the University which summarizes "on the account of your inability to be on good standing, the Senate of the University hereby advise that you have been withdrawn from the University................". My life which had already been fractured suddenly became shattered. I still have a copy of that memo till today. Within the next two weeks, friends and colleagues tried individually and collectively to see how they could help; majority believed that it was a spiritual problem, some advised that I should see spiritualists. In fact, a high ranking official of the University told me that I needed Jesus Christ in my life to reshape my life. He invited me to join their congregation (Full Gospel Business Men's Fellowship International) and accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. He promised to help me out. Some guys even invited me to "Labamba" to come and drink beer to forget my problems.
After the Ishai prayer on a particular day of the third week of my "withdrawal" from the University, I stayed back in the mosque and prayed for two hours between 12 midnight and 2am. I cried for the rest of the night till the morning prayer time. I remember that I told God that "even though this was the lowest moment of my life, please if there are other punishments that you have for me kindly let me suffer them now BUT as soon as I began to enjoy life, please don't ever let me or my generation suffer again in my life". I believe my prayers were answered from that moment. The following day, a classmate told me that Professor Theophilus Olatunde Aro, our H.O.D. was looking for me. I went to see the H.O.D. and he informed me that my "withdrawal" memo was due to error of computation, it happened that because I registered late for my 100 level courses, they were not captured among the results that were submitted to the Senate, on review I was found to be on "very good standing"
Even though my recall was a relief, the damage had already been done to my psyche. In all these three years the least of my interest was sex. As a matter of fact, at a point I believed that I was truly impotent. I still don't know whether those who certified me impotent were right or wrong and if any of them is reading this, may I ask that you let us test it now as you tested me in about 3 decades ago?
In conclusion and this is very particular to young people, whatever situation that you might be going through should be seen as a process to mould you into a better person. You have a choice to see the positive aspects of every moment no matter how bad. Always remember that every successful person have some stories that could be scary.
God bless you all as you take the pain to read this hurriedly written true story of my life. I will put it even better with document evidence in my autobiography.
